The bounty from my single plant. I still haven't tried it, but those who have tell me it's pretty damn good. In case you're wondering, the pieces of orange peel keep things from drying out.
For the past few weeks, I've been totally missing weed. You know ... bud. Ganja. Smoke. Machinery. Grass. The Kind. Pot. Cheeba. The Green Goddess. (I could go on, but I won't.)
I have no idea why I'm
Sometimes I really can't believe I haven't smoked in 306 days. I mean, I'm truly shocked I haven't caved even once (uhm, Radiohead at the Greek Theater, anyone??) It's actually kind of weird.
I have total confidence, however, that I'll hold out for as it long as it takes me to reach my goal weight. For whatever reason, I'm just ... solid. I won't cheat, and I won't break.
That doesn't mean I don't think about it. I think about preparing the clear glass bong with cranberry juice (adds a sweet flavor and keeps the glass from getting dirty), crumbling off a small bud, firing it up, inhaling, holding, exhaling ... and then, almost instantaneously, catching the emotional equivalent of a magic carpet ride. Certain things will be skewed as I float through my altered space, but not in a negative way. They'll just be slightly different. A little bit funnier. I'll notice moments from off-center perspectives. My thoughts will go places they don't normally go, and all of a sudden, I'll find myself laughing at some silly thought I can't believe I just had. That will in turn lead me to another thought, one which I will think might actually constitute a stroke of brilliance. (Unfortunately, out of 100 such thoughts, 96 will be later revealed as somewhat retarded. The other four, however, will indeed be good ideas.)
After maybe 45 minutes of these pleasant driftings, the reality of whatever moment I happen to be in will slowly start creeping back to the forefront, and eventually, life will return to its normal, everyday state.
That's just one scenario - I could have written about getting stoned with someone else, being stoned in public places, being stoned in movies, being stoned at ...
You get the idea.
I do miss it, but like I said, I don't worry about slipping. You would think, though - given my nostalgic waxing - that if nothing else, the desire to smoke again would push me to lose weight faster.
Then again, maybe that's exactly why I'm not losing weight faster.
Hmmm ...
12 comments:
you could have broke me off a piece tonight. damn. i should have read this before i left the house.
molly
Once again, I must express disappointment in reading about your desire to return to your old vices once this "experiment" is over. Your blog and your dedication to cleaning up and losing weight have inspired a lot of people. When you decided to start this, you were obviously at some sort of a low point in your life. Why else would you commit yourself to something like this? From your blog, it seems you have really made progress in getting a grip on things in the course of this effort. Hiking back down the same road once you achieve your goals will only lead you back to the same place again.
I, for one, have been cheering you on in large part because you work with kids. There are far too few good role models for the youth of our country. A teacher who is high all the time certainly does not scream "Good Role Model", whereas someone who has overcome adversity, cleaned up, become healthier and gotten their life together is someone who I would be proud to have teach my children.
You went on this journey to improve and learn about yourself. Do you really want to forget everything you have learned? Sorry for the lengthy comment, I just had to get it out there.
Errr, I get so iritated by people who find it necessary to talk about pot smoking as though it were the worst form abuse around & that simply by smoking we are poor role models for others young or not.
Most pot smokers that I know are discrete, live functional happy lives, inspire others with moments of kindness, openness, acceptance, tolerance, intelligence & yes Lord forbid even parent healthy normal happy gifted children.
Please don't compare a 'clean' teacher to one who might actually be good or a good role model. I'd be more concerned about having someone teach my kids who hates what they do or worse hates kids & let's face it a bunch of those people seem to be clogging up the classrooms.
Maybe smoking a bit of pot after hours helps a teacher wind down after work the same way many have a few glasses of wine or a couple of beers? Then when they're back at work they can get on with exciting the minds of children, encouraging them to question & think critically about themselves & the world.
It's such an emotive comment to connect Karen's love of pot to any type of irresponsible behaviour around kids. Having read the last 306 blogs it's obvious that Karen is sorting through issues in her life & that pot became one of many distractions from her dealing with internal shit.
She's a great teacher & she'll continue to be a great teacher regardless of smoking pot or not because she will always seek creative ways to inspire a child to believe in themselves & their future.
Getting past the pot smoking isn't the point just one of a few obsessions & possibly one of the least damaging for Karen or for kids she may teach!!
Like it or not, smoking pot is breaking a federal law, while having a glass of wine or beer is not. you can't compare the two.
Yeah & it's illegal to play dominoes on a Sunday in Alabama, drive barefoot in California or to adopt a child in Florida if you're gay ... there are lots of other dumb laws ... still misses the point about being a good teacher or role model to children, in that sense it's a perfectly applicable comparison.
Check out dumblaws.com it's kinda funny.
I don't understand any of this. If I remember right, Karen wrote a long time ago that she would never be stoned around a student. What does it matter if she gets stoned when she's not working?
Now that I have said that, I will add that I hope she doesn't start smoking again like she used to.
Sorry to take such an abrupt tack on this but:
Kill enough brain cells and you cease to be an effective teacher, role model, writer, or anything else. I'm losing brain cells fast enough through aging to be willing to sacrifice any extra.
And I said nothing about it being a dumb law or not; I just said it was illegal by federal law.
smoking pot is far less destructive than drinking alcohol. trust me. i've been in a relationship with someone who is an alcoholic, and i've been in another relationship with someone who smokes pot.
let me just say, i'd much rather be with the person who smoked and had a peaceful, throughtful vibe, than the alcoholic who beat me to a pulp and left me with 37 bruises on my body - not to mention the mental scarring.
lets not forget that K HASN'T actually smoked any, she is just expressing her thoughts about the desire to. I for one am so proud of her and what she has achieved. I know how hard it is to stop smoking pot.. and I dont think that if she had one joint at this point, it would destroy all she has done for herself this year.. I think she is simply being human.
alex
We all have moments where we pine for an ex who had a couple good qualities but wasn't good for us in the end.
That's how I read this day's post. Maybe I'm projecting.
If you're referring to me, then yes. Im certainly not pining for my ex lover... if I gave that impression, that was not my point at all. Im simply stating that if I had to choose betwen the two, I'd choose pot. In my humble opinion, alcohol can do much worse damage than pot, even though pot may be illegal. I mean, you can smoke a whole lot of weed, and the worse that can happen is you'll fall asleep. On the other hand, drinking a whole lot can, in some people, bring out violent and dangerous behaviour. I am speaking from my own personal experience with other people on both of these substances. Ive never seen a person lose it on pot and Ive seen many people scarily drunk. Im not saying that pot is fabulous and everyone should smoke it, but I think pot is the lesser of two evils.
alex
I wasn't referring to you, alex, but to Karen.
goodo! ;-)
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