My family got even smaller this week with news that my great Aunt Ruth recently died. This brings the number of living blood relatives I actually know down to ... let's see ...
Three.
I've never had a whole lot in the way of family, partly because I don't know my father (or anyone on that side). I'm an only child, my mother has only one brother (who's crazy and single), there are no grandparents left, and what few second cousins I have are scattered and unknown to me.
I only met my Aunt Ruth and Uncle Jack five or six times, but because Aunt Ruth always sent me $100 every Christmas (and because she and my great uncle were multi-millionaires who owned a national chain of drugstores that still bears their name), they always stood out. Funny how money does that.
I used to fantasize about cozying up to good ole' Aunt Ruth in hopes that I might make it into her will, but truth be told, I never had the heart to follow through. Uncle Jack was a hardcore Republican, one whose views were too far right even for his home state of Florida (he spent millions trying to get elected governor back in the day, and he still couldn't win the election).
More than the money, I wanted the family (at least before I figured out the Republican thing). I wanted the connection. I've never been satisfied being an only child; growing up, I perpetually bugged my mother and stepfather to give me a brother or sister. I wanted someone to hang with, fight with, live with, travel with - I wanted a built-in friend. I also knew - even then - that I'd want a sibling as an adult. It was a lifelong bond I felt I was being cheated out of. When people said that joke about being able to pick your nose and your friends but not your relatives, I'd nod inside ... Exactly.
I still do.
(Note: Given the wholly unsatisfying relationship my mother had - and continues to endure - with her little brother, I can't say as I blame her for seeing this topic a bit differently. I'd say her experience is, however, atypical.)
My desire for a sibling (or two or five or ten) was best represented by my wholehearted devotion to a certain '70s television show. This was not a hip show (nor a particularly good one), but its gooey family themes struck a chord of desire in me that couldn't be ignored.
I'll never forget being in fifth grade art class one day when the teacher had us all stand up and say our favorite TV show before leaving class. Everyone else was choosing The Six Million Dollar Man, Land of the Lost, Emergency!, Kung Fu, Happy Days ...
When it was my turn, I stood up and said - with a straight face, completely earnest - "The Waltons."
Everyone laughed - even the teacher. It was one of those seminal childhood moments in which one realizes exactly what it means to be uncool. I cared, but I didn't back down. I just wanted all those brothers and sisters ... not to mention a white mule named Blue.
And so, in the immortal words of any one of the Walton clan, "Goodnight, Aunt Ruth."
7 comments:
My wife loves the Waltons too. I used to scoff, but now I'll sit down and enjoy the odd episode. I love the compact nature of the stories and the perpetual sunshine.
The happy endings are kind of nice too.
M
So sorry about your Aunt Ruth. Even if you weren't close, the loss of a family member is a sad time. And I certainly understand and share your feelings on being an only child. Hence my excitement, lo these many years ago, at getting a stepsister!
I think I'm slowly (slowly!) coming to understand, through seeing my close friends with their families, that having a sibling is no guarantee of a close relationship. It doesn't have to be as difficult as with your mom and her brother, but a surprising number of my close friends have cordial but distant relationships with their brothers or sisters, if not downright strained. Others, of course, have the kind of closeness that makes me green with envy. But then, I suspect that you and I have relationships with our mothers (and many of our friends, for that matter) that make other people green with envy.
Hope I'm making sense. This was kind of stream-of-consciousness.
love,
ESM
The Waltons?
Karen, Karen, Karen ...
My three siblings have brought me through the darkest of days and shared in moments of pure joy.
An example of this love was when one of my brothers called me after a difficult relationship breakup, he just wanted to say hi & check on me. Realizing my fragile state he went online & purchased a plane ticket, a week after that he walked through the doors of LAX and held me while I completely fell apart on his shoulder, he stayed a week & made sure that I was okay before he left.
Lovely K, although you don't have 'blood' siblings you most definately have family, you have selected your sisters and brothers & we love you through all that life may toss in your direction.
If you're lucky enough family can be an emotional safety net, I am blessed to have that in my life and I am most blessed to have an additional sister here in the US :)
G
So sorry for your loss.
I had (have) two brothers, a host of cousins, aunts and uncles.
Yet,
I craved for a Walton to bid me goodnight.
I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt Ruth passing away. I hope she is resting peacefully now. I know only too well the importance of having blood related family.
A few days ago, I spoke to my birth mother for the first time in my life. I also found out I have a half sister. (I'm adopted, and have a wonderful family, but have never known anyone blood related until now...) Apart from how overwhelming it all is, its really lovely to finally know where I came from and even though I don't know them at all yet, I feel a connection and I'm very emotional about them..
alex
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