Day 187: A Temptation Meditation.

A close-up look at one of Stinky's ever-burgeoning buds.

When it comes to the subject of temptation, I've always been partial to the Oscar Wilde take:

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it ... I can resist everything except temptation.

I guess that's why I'm so proud of my relationship with Stinky.

She started out as a seed, was sprouted in a wet paper towel, and then, under my careful tutelage, quickly grew into a seedling. She continued to grow but remained relatively harmless - for months, I couldn't even determine her gender, let alone, say, dry her out in the microwave in a moment of weakness and smoke her.

In fact, for the longest time, my references to Stinky as a "she" were just wishful thinking (female pot plants produce the thick, sticky buds that one smokes; males produce seeds but are no good for smoking).

Even before Stinky revealed herself as a female, people were advising me to either kill her or give her away. I understood their point - after all, having an aromatic pot plant in your home over the course of a year-long break from pot definitely seems kind of retarded. I did think about giving her away - I really did - but the last time I took that route, things didn't work out so well. Right after this experiment began, I gave a young female I'd been raising to a certain person who shall remain nameless, and he allowed her to die in a cold snap. I couldn't bear the idea that Stinky would meet the same fate.

And so, I kept her. And then, about a month ago, our relationship suddenly became much more complicated. I'd moved Stinky to a new home outside, and she really took to her new location. She grew by leaps and bounds, and her feminine side began to truly assert itself.

The pictures say it all - Stinky could now be harvested on a moment's notice. If, at any time, I decided to give in to temptation, I could turn an apple into a makeshift pipe, speed-dry one of Stinky's fat little buds, and have that puppy fired up in fifteen minutes.

I can't say as I've once been truly tempted. I water her faithfully, I trim her dead leaves, I even smell her buds every so often ... but I've never once considered smoking her. It's funny how someone can go from getting stoned several times a day to not at all without really missing a beat, but that's exactly what's happened.

Everyone always says that removing temptation is the best way to avoid giving in to it, but I'm not so sure. Sometimes, being out of sight allows something to grow in power, and pretty soon, its hold on your psyche is even stronger than it was when it was right in front of you.

The fact that I can live in harmony with Stinky - especially when times are tough, and I could really use a dose of her numbed-out bliss - makes me feel very powerful, indeed.

Temptation of some kind haunts every person I've ever known. Hell - I can think of five or six that plague me on a daily basis. But for all the temptations one can possibly think of - lying, stealing, running up credit, being a coward, doing drugs, drinking, procrastinating (the list is endless) - there's another quote I love that sums up the worst one of all:

The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.
Trappist Monk Thomas Merton

That's the one that truly scares me, and the reason I started this experiment in the first place. I don't want to go through life knowing I settled for less - not anymore.

Maybe that's why I like having Stinky around. You know you're not settling when you stare temptation in the eye every day and still choose not to indulge.

Portrait of Stinky - 5.29.06