Day 101: Burning Questions.

I think I wrote this once before, but I promised myself early on that I wouldn't respond to what was written in the comments section. I figured it was a lose-lose proposition - if I disagreed with a negative comment I'd look defensive, and if I agreed with a positive comment I'd look like I was kissing ass.

I'll be honest, though - sometimes the comments gut me, sometimes they frustrate me, and sometimes they just piss me off (I'd get into specifics - and I'm dying to - but that brings us back to the lose-lose thing). People tell me I shouldn't even read them if I'm going to let them get to me (shya, right, like that's possible), and I suppose I could just disable the forum, but that seems silly. Most of the time, people leave comments that are thoughtful, funny, kind, or otherwise interesting.

I just have to accept that every so often, being able to leave a comment anonymously brings out, well ... let's just say it doesn't always bring out the best in people. With a shield of anonymity to hide behind, people will say anything - and they do. It's a free pass to be mean. I take what little solace I can in the fact that those comments tend to say more about the person who's left them than they do about me.

All of that said, someone left a comment on yesterday's blog that I thought posed a few interesting questions. It read, in part:

If you have 265 days to go, does that mean you'll smoke pot on day 266? You've only said you'll quit for a year. Everything seems a little packaged and timed. Maybe you haven't decided yet?

Will I smoke pot on Day 366? I guess the honest answer - if I had to answer today - is yes, I probably will. I mean, I'm still growing my plant, right? I'm not exactly sure why I'm doing that, but I have two theories. The first is that I feel empowered by the fact that there's pot (at least potentially) close by, and yet I choose not to smoke it. The second theory is that I want to make sure I have something to smoke when the time finally comes.

Either way, I can't really know how I'll feel 265 days from now. Maybe I'll realize that I don't want or need pot in my life anymore, and that will be that. Or maybe I'll realize it's something I can do recreationally.

Or maybe I'm fooling myself with both of those scenarios, and, when the time comes, I'll have to admit that I love the ritual and the routine of pot just a little bit too much to ever not want it. If that's the case, pot will continue to be an "all or nothing" choice. For now, though, it's almost a relief that I don't have to think about it. I definitely miss pot - I miss it a lot. But right now, and for the next nine months, it's an option that's simply not on the table.

The second part of the comment that intrigued me was about everything being "packaged and timed." It's true - the "365 Days" element is all about time, and the "no-pot-lose-weight" thing is definitely a package. Why? Well, as far as the packaging, I knew the overeating and the pot were related, and to attempt one without the other would be either futile (trying to lose weight without quitting pot) or a missed opportunity (quitting pot and ignoring the weight).

As far as making this a timed experiment, there were a few reasons. First, I needed a deadline, or else I wouldn't be held accountable. Putting a one-year marker on things gave me a tangible goal. Second, I knew it would take at least a year to lose the weight I wanted to lose. Third, quitting pot for just a few months didn't seem like a long enough period to truly see if I'd change as a person without it. And finally, I'm a creature of habit and routine, and knowing this will be my path for at least a year has allowed me to settle in and find my groove.

Not to veer off-track, but while I was writing this, another comment came in about yesterday's post. And so, while I'm at it, I just have to say, I really don't understand why-

Uhm ... I mean ... "no comment."


Back when I was small ...