I suppose it could have been worse. I could have flatlined,
or - worse - gained.
But it's still disappointing to lose such small amounts of weight two weeks in a row.
I know, "slow and steady wins the race" is how the cliche goes. But as you already know (or might easily guess), I'm not so good at long-term, disciplined thinking. I like my gratification to be instant, and behaving otherwise has always been a challenge.
What this means, according the experts, is that my EQ (Emotional Intelligence) has a few blind spots.
What exactly is EQ? Well, the classic EQ study involves marshmallows and four-year-olds. A researcher sits with a child and puts a marshmallow on the table. "You can eat this marshmallow right now," he tells the kid, "and that's fine. But I have to go run an errand, and if you wait to eat it until I get back, I'll give you another one."
Some kids had the marshmallow in their grubby little fist before the door even closed. Others managed to last a few minutes before chowing down. And some did whatever it took to keep from eating it. They covered their eyes, kept their heads down, sang songs, and played games.
The children were then tracked through high school, and what the study found probably won't surprise you. The kids who held out for marshmallow #2 were (and I quote), "better adjusted, more popular, adventurous, confident and dependable." The kids who buckled were "lonelier, more easily frustrated, and far more stubborn." Adding insult to injury, the Hold Out Kids scored an average 210 points higher on their SAT exams.
The Marshmallow Study pisses me off because I'm pretty sure I'd have eaten my marshmallow before the guy came back. Now, if the kids had been tested together, things might have gone down differently. In that scenario, I probably would have eaten mine and talked a few other kids out of theirs.
(I don't even want to know what that says about my EQ - or anything else, for that matter.)
But there is at least one thing I've done right. Throughout my life, I've instinctively surrounded myself with people who, without question, would have waited for that second marshmallow. It's almost like, in addition to trusting that personality type, I've been hoping some of their discipline might rub off on me.
Maybe (just maybe) it's finally starting to happen. When I saw that I hadn't even lost a full pound this week, my first instinct was to feel shitty, beat myself up, and go eat a big fat croissant.
Instead, I went home, made a 3-point breakfast (a frittata with scrambled egg whites, peppers, onions and fresh basil and a piece of whole grain toast) and reminded myself that there are still 239 days left in this experiment. I needed to lose 25 pounds in the first 121 days to have a chance at my goal, and despite a rocky start, I've pretty much done it.
I'll never be a master at delayed gratification, but I guess I can live with that. I just want it to be a skill that's within the realm of possibility when I need it to be.
After all, the marshmallow might taste great while you're eating it, but five minutes later, when the sugary sweetness wears off, the only taste that's left in your mouth is one of regret.
I hate that taste. Life's just too damn short.
2 comments:
I don't know if I would have eaten the marshmallow or waited. I'm so confused right now, I honestly can't imagine it.
I'm thinking I would be the type of kid to eat it, but I would never dream of talking other kids out of theirs. I would be the one sitting in the corner watching, listening, laughing a little, and hoping that you wouldn't come over to me.
What I understand about EQ now though is that the mind is powerful. If I understood then what I know now, I would have put my marshmallow in my pocket so that you couldn't steal it, then I would close my eyes and focus on my breathing. In and out. Until the feelings of impatience and greed passed.
Then when the man in the white coat came back, I would show him my marshmallow, get my second, and give one away to the poor kid who had his stolen.
What a saint!
Heck, I probably would have eaten the marshmallow. Or perhaps, only eaten half of it, and tried to negotiate for the second marshmallow.
I understand your frustration. At first, I felt like the weight was just flying off. Well, probably not that fast, but it certainly seemed to be coming off faster than I was afraid it would. I lost twenty pounds between Halloween, when we dedicated ourselves to this project, and Christmas. But since returning from Christmas (and regaining the ground I lost over Christmas), I've only managed to lose about ten more pounds. Very disheartening. Even worse, instead of losing the weight, I've lost some of my motivation. For the first few months of this experiment, I was working out at least once per day, often twice. I'd go to they gym in the morning and do my big workout (45 minutes or so of cardio and half and hour or so of weights), and then if I had the chance I'd go back to the gym in the evening and do more cardio. Now, I'm lucky if I even go to the gym once a day. This week especially has been terrible. My husband has been out of town so I haven't slept well, I've had lots to do so I've been able to prioritize myself out of a workout, and it has all sort of led me down the wrong path.
Obviously there is a corrolation here: not working out as much=not losing the weight, but I can't figure out how to remotivate myself to get back out there. Thankfully, this week I haven't had the time to eat a whole lot either, since I've been so busy, so I'm actually only about a pound, maybe a little less, than my best weigh-in. But I've seriously stagnated, and my overall average for the week is probably still above my best.
I guess I just need to refocus myself, set the marshmallow somewhere I can't see, and wait for the man in the white coat to come back. Or for the men in the white coats to come get me and take me away...
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