There are 123 days left in this experiment. That's roughly 17 weeks. Even if I were to lose 2 pounds in every single remaining week (not likely), I'd miss my goal by several pounds.
This realization (which came to me earlier today) was not at all heartening. In fact, it made me feel kind of queasy ... and I'm not feeling much better six hours later.
I'm well aware that I've totally slacked 0n the diet end of this experiment. Yes, I've lost 32 pounds (36 if you go by the Whiny Disclaimer on the right), but there have been way too many lame weeks in there to count (well, okay, I could go back
and count them, but I don't want to).
So, the question before me now is, "What do I do about this?"
Here are my options as I see them:
1. Liposuction.
2. Smoke a lot of crack.
3. Find a cause I believe in and go on a hunger strike.
4. Buy an antique torture rack and stretch myself until I'm 5'9".
5. Wire my jaw shut.
6. Pop Dexatrim three times a day.
7. Travel to Mexico, drink lots of water, return with a parasite.
8. Rob a bank and go on the run (literally, with no stopping).
9. Cut off my head (and maybe one arm - would that equal 25 pounds?)
I will admit to being rather intrigued by option #4 - and option #7 might actually work - but I suppose that in the final analysis, I can't wholeheartedly embrace any of them.
No, I guess I'm stuck with the following (and far more mundane, I might add) options:
1. Keep going, try harder, exercise more, and do whatever I have to do to make my deadline (can a person survive on nothing but leeks for two weeks?).
2. Extend my deadline until the entire 75 pounds are off. That would mean no pot until my weight dropped below 145.
3. Come Nov. 25th, be satisfied no matter what the results.
My head is swimming. I guess I need to think about this. In the meantime, well ...
I still like the whole "stretch me on a rack" idea.
7 comments:
# 2
I vote for number three. Harder to attain, but more useful in the long run.
M
#4. All of the above (Minus the end of #1, the "whatever it takes" part. No cutting off arms or eating only leeks.) Recommitting, giving yourself a more reasonable deadline, AND being satisfied with all you've accomplished would be an ideal approach.
xo,
ESM
p.s. I'm off to the ranch today, wish me luck. Also let me know if you have any words of wisdom for me while I'm there.
Where can I get one of those racks?
Heck, if you are so ready to run down the ganja smoking path, why not just shoot for doing crack anyway? That way you still have the addiction to the illegal, mind-altering substance and you don't have to worry about the diet. Best of both worlds.
I was very impressed with your experiment at first, when I first read about it. What a noble quest, improving yourself and inspiring others by documenting your struggles and progress. You have made large strides and should be proud of that. The fact that you are looking forward to getting back to your old ways is very disappointing to (at least some of) your readers. If that happens, what have you really accomplished? No life-changing experience, no self-realization or self-improvement, no benefit. It would seem a shame for someone as obviously talented and caring as you to be back in your house sitting around stoned with the munchies instead of getting out and making a positive difference.
yes, Karen, please get out there and inspire us with good deeds. AND BY SMOKING CRACK!!!
You might also try a cocktail of several of the options. Numbers 6 and 8 should combine nicely. 4 and 9 might be a problem because you'd need two arms and two legs. 9 and 5 have a charm: sitting cross-legged on the beach with someone's head in your lap (yours)while you wire your own jaws shut. Kind of like basket-weaving. Say you combined a trip to Mexico with some antique shopping (the rack) and some medical tourism (liposuction). Wait until the last day to drink the water.
Hope this helps!
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