Signs of Life in Athena, Oregon - 2007
After years of careful consideration, I can safely say that being stoned at 7:30 in the morning is the closest you can get to lying on a beach somewhere. Life’s sharp edges are smoothed, thoughts feel free to roam, there’s humor in the absurd, and the body feels adrift in a contented wash.
Unfortunately, the
If my mother were here, she’d cheerfully quote one of her favorite lines from Animal House: “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”
(I’m her daughter – and it should probably read “Fat, stoned and lazy” - but you get the idea.)
Why am I thinking about all this today?
I guess I don’t have a choice.
Every so often, you find yourself glimpsing your life from a distance, an emotional vantage point that reduces the whole complicated mess to a few simple facts. The key is to immediately look away, a sure-fire tactic (but not really).
It’s like stealing a split-second glance as you pass a car accident. Even though you're already turning away, your brain has managed to snap some horrifying image that will stay with you for days.
My glimpses have been more frequent lately, and the images seared into my memory aren't pretty.
Here are the facts:
1. On November 24, 2005 (Thanksgiving Day), I decided to stop smoking pot after getting stoned several times a day – every single day – for more than 10 years. The plan (a.k.a. “The Experiment”) was to stop for one year.
2. During that same time, I also vowed to drop 75 pounds.
3. I didn’t smoke pot once. And while I fell shy of the weight goal (even after adding 130 days), I did manage to lose 40 pounds (from 223 to 183).
4. I also wrote a book (young adult fiction) and signed with a solid literary agency in
5. Then, on Day 384, the Christmas season hit, and dieting took a holiday.
6. On Day 414, I met someone I’m crazy about. We’ve been seeing each other steadily every since.
7. On March 24, The Experiment ended. I began smoking pot again five days later.
8. Over the last six months, I’ve gained back 15 pounds and haven’t written much of anything.
9. Over the last three months, I’ve slid back into a daily smoking routine.
Those are the facts. Perhaps you can see why it's getting harder to turn away and keep driving.
9 comments:
I've been a faithful reader all this time and was pleased to see a new entry in your blog today... until I read it. You CAN turn away and keep driving! I miss your rational ramblings while not smoking. I want to hear about your book being published. I wish you strength to go back to your previous lifestyle of most of the last 18 months.
Good to see you back!!! debating on alerting the blog police after that last post and the bizarre comment on it!! Girl, the trick is really just one damn day at a time. There really is no secret.no penalty and no committment police. You fell, you'll get back up. Chin up!!
my question is...
which life do you prefer?
Come on back Karen. Don't give yourself a deadline or rules this time. Just come back.
You know, life doesn't have to be difficult. We just make it that way. I know I do. Seems like it isn't worth doing if it isn't impossibly hard. I'm beginning to see that's a bunch of crap. Life doesn't have to be difficult. It can be so easy just by noticing the ways we make it hard and choosing easier paths.
What's your next book going to be? I've submitted to a couple more competitions and I'm cutting my day job to a four-day working week. That'll give me an extra 52 days to write in next year. Very excited.
BTW, the story you critiqued for me -- and were very polite with -- has been rewritten two times. I think it's starting to get pretty good now (unlike before!). As I learn more about writing, it's easier to see my technical and creative blind-spots.
Come on back Karen.
M
I too have been reading since the beginning and think what you did (giving it all up) showed you have a lot of strength in you. You have been honest with us all, and admitted you us - and yourself - that you have gone back to your old life. The next step is turning your back on the pot for good. I believe you can do it. Don't waste the enormous talent that you have.
Your daily posts are missed, so I do hope that you continue to write, even if just on occasion.
For the record, you have one of the most interesting blogs I have come across....
Hope all is well.
alex
A few questions when you have the time..
What made you go back to smoking regularly? Was it a gradual thing?
Does your partner smoke too?
Would you ditch the weed again, but continue with the weight loss mission?
alex
Miss your once daily entries, your blog is great. Midwestern reader here.
S.
do you live in athena oregon currently / i have some relatives who are longtime residents of athena that i am trying to find a local phone number or address if you can assist me if possible
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