Anonymous wrote:
My boyfriend is trying hard to lose weight, but (as you know) it ain't easy. Anything that a loving partner can do/not do to make it easier?
This seemed like a question worth answering.
Being involved with someone who's trying to lose weight is about walking a very fine line. You're meant to instinctively know when you should remind the dieter about the task at hand, be a partner in a momentary indulgence, or just remain quiet without judgment.
The first step is communication, which I'm already failing at with Tea. I'm trying so hard to keep my weight issues out of the equation that I'm not giving her the chance to help in the first place. All that leads to is me overeating and feeling badly about it. The core emotion at work here is vanity - I don't want to admit that I'm someone who needs to focus on weight. I want to be the person who "owns it" and has no issues with it.
That said, here are my tips for being a supportive significant other (and please, commenters, point out all the tips I'm not remembering right now):
1. Don't bring tempting foods into the house.
2. Even if the diet food being prepared is bland, act enthusiastic.
3. Don't be silently (or vocally) judgmental when the dieter falls off the wagon.
4. Suggest physical activity, but don't push it.
5. Be complimentary when the dieter makes progress (even if it's minuscule).
6. Pretend to break up with the dieter so he/she will be miserable and lose weight. (Do I need to add that I'm kidding?)
7. Let the dieter talk about how he/she feels about the weight one minute and then pretend the conversation didn't happen the next.
8. When going out to eat, suggest places that have good low-fat/low-cal options (and don't order dessert!)
9. Go easy on the alcohol.
10. Bone up on the art of mind-reading in general.
4 comments:
Here's one for the dieter... do not continually remind your partner that they "are not the diet police". This makes honest, open communication a whole lot harder.
Thanks for answering! I think the ones that are hardest for me are #1 and #8. Unfortunately, one of my favorite hobbies is baking. I've tried doing it a lot less, and baking things that he doesn't like that much, but still, I should probably give it up entirely.
And although we don't go out that much (yay, being poor grad students!) there aren't that many restaurants that have decent low fat/low cal options.
However, I will definitely work on it.
I recently met and have become involved with a woman who also is involved in a weight loss regime. She seems more disciplined with regard to physical activity, I'm more disciplined with the food choices.
We don't live near each other, so I'm not so sure how much, if any, influence we can have on one another.
Thanks for the tips. Some I think will prove helpful.
I find that I tend to have cravings for sweets and chocolates at a certain time of the month. I'm pretty sure its hormone related. So I try and be mindful of that. (I can eat a block of chocolate easily in one go!)
I also write shopping lists, and don't tend to splurge on other (naughty) items if I stick to purchasing items only the list.
..Never go food shopping after a drink or two!
Reward your progress with non food things, like massage, facial, manicure etc... they make you feel good.
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